Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
