i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
