I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize