I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
