I will die if light touches me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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