I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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