I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
