i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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