My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
