you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've blown a few things in my day
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
