new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I bet he comes in French.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
