I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
