I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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