I just saw a hot homeless man
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
