How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
