nut hugger
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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