I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
