He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
