I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
