Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
