I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
