I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
