He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ok first of all what the fuck
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
