i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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