Where is the hickey?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
