You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you never un-have a 4some
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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