it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The power of my boobs compel you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
