It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
