My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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