You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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