she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
