I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
