Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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