I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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