Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
