New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
