you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is my gift to your gina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
