Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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