I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
