i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
