Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
