She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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