i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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