im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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