I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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