it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
did you just send me my own nude
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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