So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
