There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
