i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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