She is in my trunk
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
