It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
