There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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