She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
