Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
