My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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