I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
