made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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