i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
