dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
