im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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