Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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