She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize