the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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