Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had sex on a roof
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
