pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
