make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
