happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
