I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize