we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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