shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
