I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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