Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
