I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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