You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
