I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
