the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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